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Patapon 3

Patapon 3 was a big disappointment. I loved the first game, found the system even better in the second even if the story wasn’t as smooth and iconic – and so had high hopes for the third. But the designers ruined everything that was good about Patapon, and made a frustrating game I finished only out of dogged loyalty, not enjoyment.

The first and biggest flaw was that they decided that instead of a full Patapon army, the player could use only 4 units, like the second game’s hero mode for multiplayer. This is the crux of it: in order to be able to expand the whole game to play multiplayer, the concept of controlling a cute and varied army was excised. Well, I don’t like playing Patapon multiplayer – I like playing it on the train. And the whole appeal for me was building up a big army with lots of units for different jobs. To make it worse, the different units aren’t even all fully customisable – apart from the main hero, each has only a limited number of variants. Thus, rather than exploring in depth, I found the class I liked most for each and stuck with it from about mission 5 to the very end of the game. And the spear unit was pretty useless no matter what.

The change in army style also meant a change in gameplay – the ways to lose were for everybody to die (rare except when there were stupid traps) or for your flag-bearing Hatapon to die. Hatapon becomes vulnerable when all units with a shield die. My only unit with a shield was my big, powerful attack unit. Thus the entire game was nothing more than keep-your-tank-alive-or-die. With stupid summons (which are nothing more than dull button-mashing in hopes of ‘perfect’ ratings and cannot be varied without multiplayer) to bring him back to life once or twice.

The difficulty progression was stupid. The difference in power between levels is absurd, to the point that the game overall was ‘die on every attempt until your units go up one level, and then easily beat what was until then near-impossible’. This held true right to the very end, where the last dungeon was horrible at level 29 but a piece of cake at 30.

The minigames that broke up the action are gone. The humour has all but gone – the crazy bosses that raise a smile are repeats from previous games, and the one fun new enemy, a great big ogre, reappears so much he’s soon a bore.

The story makes little sense and seems very carelessly translated. Your soldiers spout the most random nonsense, and the bad guys are semi-coherent. That there are multiple endings based purely on a choice at the end only frustrates. Gone is the charming simplicity of the quest of the first game, or the fun of discovery of the second. A repetitive, weird and dull game I never thought could have been made from Patapon is all that’s left. Such a shame.
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Tales of Symphonia

I started playing the celebrated Gamecube RPG Tales of Symphonia in December 2005, and was pleasantly hooked. I found a cute little adventure story full of hackneyed RPG concepts: the teenaged Lloyd and his silver-haired buddy Genis help their friend Colette to fulfil the prophecy given to her at birth – that she will save the world - and find themselves battling the corruption of tyrannical rulers. Oh yes. The clichés get more and more obvious – Lloyd is the dumb-but-loveable hero, Genis is an elven magician, Colette is a ditzy blonde, and the evil half-elves are turning humans into big wibbly green monsters! Oh no! When Lloyd and Genis attack the testing facility, retribution falls on their village, causing much angst and exile – so the only thing left for them to do is to go and join Colette on her journey to save the world!

Yes, it’s all cheerful, childish, unchallenging fare, done in bold anime style. There’s a beautiful animated intro, cell-shaded SD-style graphics and some adorable character designs – Lloyd and Genis in particular are very cute. Best of all is the voice acting: a step up from most English video games’ dreck, but still very much over-acted, with the Boy Hits Car guy who plays Robin in Teen Titans giving his best melodramatic performance as Lloyd, and his father – a dwarf – boasting a VERY iffy Scottish accent. Still, the ham suits the cheerful tone, and I knew from the start it would all get very angsty later on. Colette has the perfect ditzy American voice, sounding rather like an Olsen twin, and Genis has one of the most adorable boy-voices America has ever managed to record. It all makes me very happy, in the full knowledge that it’s all a bit naff, but naff with conviction!

When I finished it five days later, it struck me that writing an RPG video game must a very individual art form – you have to spin out a story for hours and hours, get your characters from fight to fight and sling in every twist and betrayal and redemption known to man to keep things moving. The story still wasn't great in this game, though. What starts as a nice, slightly preachy story about half-elves and humans discriminating against each other, and the half-elf Desians running human experimentation ranches while keeping the humans suppressed, gets muddled by every half-arsed vaguely-Nordic high-concept twist they can think of. Yeah, there’s, like, this giant tree, the source of all mana, and then this person sealed there, and these other half-elves who’ve become angels, and, like ANOTHER WORLD man, and high technology and magic and dwarfs and ninjas and a sword that holds the whole world together and STUFF! It all feels like someone was only vaguely in control of themselves as they were writing it, so it hops around randomly with only the most tenuous of links and all sorts of magical contrivance. Plus whenever the subject of discrimination comes up, you can tell that the writer is so opposed to it that they just can’t convincingly portray anyone who actually holds prejudices, and it comes across as rather superimposed.

But the characters are great. Typical shounen protagonist Lloyd, more 14 than the official 17, rather thick but utterly good-hearted; sensible, occasionally obsessive teacher Raine; goofy, masculine female ninja Sheena who’s actually very sweet; womanising Zelos who seems pretty flat and annoying at first but actually develops into quite an interesting character; Presea who lost several years of her life and will never get them back – and especially Genis, the cute little child prodigy whose arrogant, bratty streak is tempered by his sheer adorableness and propensity to say things like ‘We’ll be friends forever!’ Bless!

Of course, everyone spends the entire game wracked by guilt over the things they’ve done, endlessly apologising and looking angsty, and it’s all a bit didactic, but hey, I’ve come to expect that of RPGs, and what’s more, the fight system was a lot of fun, so it all worked nicely.
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Enzai

Since I wrote my opinion of the two-episode anime, somewhat shocked at the scenes of bloody rape of a 14-year-old boy and the graphic depictions of non-consensual sexual torture, Enzai surprisingly enough became the first yaoi game ever to be commercially released in the States. Only a handful of visual novels have ever officially made it over here, but I confess to being very surprised that about the only one ever expected to be bought by a (close to exclusively female) paying audience would be the one about prison rape.

But…well, I suppose I was, if anything, exaggerating my prudishness. I’ve read enough fanfictions and doujinshis to know that a lot of porn, for both genders, involves humiliation, subjugation, helplessness and horror, with of course the safety of knowing that it is all fantasy. With writing and drawing in particular, you know no-one is hurt in the making of what you’re watching. And we have to face it at some point, seeing the demand, the endless extremes of the internet, and the fact that I actually went back to Enzai and found that I actually found it kinda hot – call it empowerment, dominance or kink, but there’s something very appealing about non-con.

And thus I have been very surprised at the depth and sophistication of Enzai. It is not deep, nor sophisticated, but is far from the shameless porn I had expected. The first time I played it, I made all the wrong choices (there’s no actual skill to visual novels – you pick a choice and where it leads you will be totally random) and managed to get three ‘bad end’s in a row, which only served to make me think this was brainless smut even more than I already did, with poor Guys suffering really horrible things that definitely didn’t align with any fetishes I have. Also, while I was surprised to see that the mosaic censorship that is required by law in Japan had been removed, at times that only made me despair of some of the artists’ grip of anatomy. The penis cannot be inserted into the perineum!

It’s no more shameful than enjoying the sight of suffering and gore on the screen, which many years have shown us is almost universally approved of by our society. And as I say, I was surprised at the sophistication of the story, and the court case that resolves everything (even if some part of the evidence are daft, like a clever murderer just leaving weapons in a nearby abandoned house for months) is really quite smart.
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Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings


I didn’t know what to expect from Revenant Wings, the Nintendo DS sequel to Final Fantasy XII, the PS2 game that as far as I can tell I enjoyed more than most. I liked the sketches I’d seen and I thought there was definitely more story to tell.

In the event, Revenant Wings was more or less a Final Fantasy Tactics game, without the turn-based system. It had c ute sprites, a fun slow-paced strategy system and rather strange video clips that made the characters look like puppets – but was still appealing to look at. The story is also so very different from the tone of FFXII that it feels like something wildly different, which somehow has a lot of charm. It’s like the world of FFXII transplanted into a cute old 16-bit RPG, which suits the sprites.

A year after the end of the main game, and with Vaan now a fully fledged sky pirate, he and Penelo get mixed up in Balthier’s latest pursuit, finding two strange crystals whose power is connected to a kingdom in the sky, and can summon creatures to do the bidding of the stones’ owners. Along with his urchin friends Kytes and Filo, who features extremely briefly in the main game and here receive redesigns and turn out to be quite adorable, along with the slightly more prominent and wily Tomaj, they head to the sky kingdom and meet Llyud, part of a winged race called the Aegyl, currently under attack by the ‘judge of wings’, who looks like the armoured judges of the main game but has no affiliation with them – and is winged.

The game is fun to play, a real-time strategy engine where five characters command little groups and have to meet various objectives. There were little complexities to figure out, which I generally waited until I was getting stuck to tackle, and by the end you have a wide range of characters and so many abilities it can be quite frantic switching between characters to get a good use of the best. It gets very hard at the end if you want to get 100% (and the secret ending, that is frivolous other than developing Vaan and Penelo’s relationship a little), and grinding for the final boss took several hours.

Cute, interesting, fun and actually a challenge unlike most of Square’s portable games, I’m glad I gave this a chance – and it’s made me want to play the updated version of Tactics, as well as its various sequels. After a whole lot of others waiting!
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Final Fantasy XIII


Let’s get this straight first: FFXIII is not a good Final Fantasy game. It’s not even a good RPG at all. Its reviews were oddly laudatory, especially in Japan (Famitsu’s reader poll in 2010 even came out with it as best game ever), while most of my friends and Facebook acquaintances seem to think very poorly of it. In every way that makes a Final Fantasy game special – story, characters and combat system – it fell short. And yet in some small way, I loved it.

I don’t say this with just a cursory playthrough. I put almost as much time into this as I did into FFXII: I got everyone to level 5 in all their job roles, my three main characters all had their final weapons in levels around 90, Fang’s being maxed, I finished every mission and I could farm Long Gui and Shao Long Gui with very little difficulty. This takes a lot of hours, and raises the question – if it’s not a good game to play, why invest so much time into it?

Well, there are a few reasons. Firstly, it is stunningly beautiful. Nothing I have ever played comes close to this. The visuals in this game are the best I’ve ever seen, a step above everything else I’ve experienced even on their generation of incredibly powerful consoles. Several times in the game I actually stopped, put my character somewhere where I could see things from a good angle, and just stared at the backgrounds. I even felt sad that there would be so much fantastic scenery that just goes unseen by the vast majority of players because they don’t take the time to point cameras up or down – and of course, nobody can see everything on a regular run-through. I had to wonder if parts the camera can never see were rendered in such exquisite detail, too, and lamented the lack of a camera that could be properly controlled independent of the character.

Secondly, I liked the characters. Lightning was a refreshing protagonist, being at first rather Cloud- or Squall-like but gradually showing her softer, more human, far more vulnerable side. Fang was a great strong female character. Sazh was likeable and probably the most identifiable character, often clownish but also showing plenty of emotion. And while he’s hated by many, I found Hope adorable. So he whines a lot – watching the death of the person who means the most to you in the world will do that to you. He hit all my protective instincts and by the end he was absurdly powerful (if still crappy HP-wise).

I didn’t much like Snow or Vanille. Snow is the type to go on about being a hero, which never seems a character trait anyone would actually have, and he’s goofy-looking too. Vanille was the main reason I was annoyed there was no option to hear the original Japanese voices (as they had actually taken the time to re-animate mouth movements for the language, which is impressive), only when I actually heard the original cast, Vanille in Japanese was even more annoying than in English. And Hope’s voice was much more generic and obvious. Some cheesy minor villains aside, the voice acting is great.

The story…was weak and limited. In the world of the game, humans live either on the world of Gran Pulse, a dangerous place with a lot of monsters, or in the developed city of Cocoon, which floats above the planet’s surface and is ruled over by a group called Sanctum. This is made possible by the fal’Cie, huge and powerful non-human creatures, who do things like supply air and keep immense spheres aloft. A human who comes into contact with a fal’Cie can become a l’Cie, a branded human who must complete a task or be turned into a monstrous Cie’th. Even if they fulfil this ‘focus’, however, they are turned into crystals. Becoming a l’Cie is essentially a death sentence.

The story begins, as many do, with the evil government performing some ethnic cleansing, repackaged in sci-fi terms. A group of Cocoon residents are being ‘purged’ because they met fal’Cie from Pulse. Most of our plucky heroes meet here: they are being purged or want to find and save someone who is. However, it all goes awry when they meet the wrong fal’Cie and are turned into l’Cie themselves, with a vague notion of their task being to do with Ragnarok, a being who attacked Cocoon many years ago. Most of the game is spent questioning whether they can change their fate, as well as meeting those who seem to be pulling the strings.

The problem with this story is that it severely lacks real impetus. The plot device of a ‘do or die’ mission from barely-understood godlike creatures is a dull contrivance. The end tries to be too clever: apparent bad guy Barthandelus is manipulating l’Cie in a stupid plot that just might bring back a higher god (based on speculation alone), his target Orphan has his own plan to be set free from a tiresome existence which matches up well with what the party were doing and allows for more confusion and less anticlimax, while the party finally make a decision that could well have killed everyone on the planet but doesn’t because of a property of their newfound power there’s no way they could have known would come about. Sloppy.

I was disappointed by the game system. I didn’t like only being able to control one character, and hated how it was game over if just your lead fighter was knocked out. I didn’t like how shallow strategy became. I didn’t like the lack of real challenges: even in the endgame, there’s no real superbosses: the long gui go down as easily as adamantoises, and Vercingetorix was no challenge at all (unless you are going for a five-star rating). In fact, while the mission sidequests take many hours, they are not satisfactory side-quests: they are dull, repetitive, do not flesh out characters and only show the inadequacies of a game without an airship and only substandard teleportation. The last battles were a grind, not a challenge of strategy.

I also disliked the level-up system, a non-versatile and linear version of FFX’s sphere grid. The music often needed to be more dynamic and though lush and sometimes superb, often felt inadequate and needed more contrast. The final level of shifting platforms was plain ugly. I feel this game came close to being good, but didn’t manage it. How will FFXIII-2 fare?
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Kingdom Hearts 2

Decided to finish Kingdom Hearts 2, including getting Jiminy's Journal complete. Didn’t take long, but longer than I would’ve liked – I ran out of stupid Dark Crystals just as I’d almost got the synthesis list finished. The last boss was more fiddly and annoying than I would’ve expected, and I hated having to be Riku almost as much as I hated having to be Roxas, but I was satisfied with the game’s ending. Another bit of Japanese media that ends on the old ‘Tadaima/okaeri’ chestnut, which never translates well into English - we don’t place such importance on ‘Welcome home/I’m back’ – and wow, the kids really did look Japanese in that ending FMV. I also loved how they just dropped all but the thinnest pretence that the storyline isn’t totally homoerotic at the end, too. The secret ending was really lame, but I’d’ve felt bad, not seeing it.

To be honest, though, it definitely doesn’t match up to the first game, story-wise. The new worlds never fit into the mood well, and Organisation XIII just aren’t very interesting as antagonists. It relies so much on intrigue that when all is revealed, it’s just increasingly disappointing. Xemnas is off his rocker, a two-dimensional baddie and none of the others are sufficiently developed. All style, no substance. At least Sora is the kind of character who can really carry a story, even if he IS generic shounen character #1.
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Eternal Sonata

Last night, I unexpectedly finished Eternal Sonata. I really didn’t think I was close to the end. I thought I was about halfway through, and that the rubbish final dungeon with the ridiculously easy bosses was some kind of transition. And then, abruptly, ‘Final Stage’. Another easy boss (though I have to admit it was a surprise who he was), and the ending. Which was very, very strange. 45 minutes of being directly lectured by pretty RPG characters, some incoherent story, and then after the credits, some weird allegorical tale about a snail and a caterpillar – that they had forgotten to subtitle!

I want to play it again with a guide (and in English), to see if there are any significant chunks I have missed, any hidden worlds, so I will reserve judgement until then, but I have to say, judging from my overall experience thus far, I’m very disappointed that such a beautiful game, with such potential to be epic and such great designs, was so lacking in substance. Everything about it was limited, except the visual feast – but in an RPG, that simply isn’t enough.
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